His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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