Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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