He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just tell him i said nine months
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
