i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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