Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
