Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
