she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
