then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
