She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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