apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
