The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
