im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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