win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
