I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
