and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have feelings that need drinking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
