Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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