nut hugger
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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