You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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