Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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