When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
