We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
