Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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