Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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