Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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