I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
