I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
