I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
