How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
