at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
