Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
