wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
