I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The feeling are messing with the penis
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
