I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
either way he was missing a nipple.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
