i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
