What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
