I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
