I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
