I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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