Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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