Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
