I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
