i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
