i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
