Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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