hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
