I just cut my nipple shaving
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
