Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
