I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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