How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
