i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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