My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
