It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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